Love begins higher

I used to think love

started with a person.

With chemistry.

With attraction.

With late-night conversations

and promises whispered in the dark.

I thought if I felt enough,

wanted enough,

needed enough—

that was love.

But I was wrong.

Because love without God

is just emotion trying to play savior.

And emotions make terrible gods.

I tried to love you

from an empty well.

Tried to give you peace

when I didn’t have any.

Tried to be your covering

when I wasn’t even covered myself.

And what came out of me

was inconsistency.

Pride.

Fear.

Possessiveness disguised as passion.

I called it love.

But it was insecurity

begging not to be left.

The truth is this:

If I don’t love God first,

I will ask you to be Him.

I will expect you

to complete what only He can fill.

To heal what only He can restore.

To carry what only He can sustain.

And that weight will crush us both.

Because real love

is patient

only when it has first received patience.

Real love

forgives

only when it understands mercy.

Real love

sacrifices

only when it has first knelt at the altar

and learned surrender.

God is not a third wheel in love.

He is the foundation.

Without Him,

love becomes control.

Love becomes fear of loss.

Love becomes “don’t leave me”

instead of “I choose you.”

When I love God first,

I stop loving you out of need

and start loving you out of overflow.

I stop demanding you fix me.

I stop punishing you for my wounds.

I stop making you responsible

for my identity.

Because my identity

is already secured.

Love begins higher.

It begins in surrender.

In humility.

In understanding that I am flawed

and so are you—

and only grace bridges that gap.

If I do not love God first,

I will never love you to your best.

But when I love Him,

I learn how to love you gently.

How to speak with patience.

How to lead with strength

instead of ego.

Love and pain will still come.

But they will refine us—

not ruin us.

Because when God is first,

love is no longer fragile.

It becomes covenant.

It becomes steady.

It becomes holy.

And that—

that is the kind of love

that lasts.